Ricky Garni

 

Ricky Garni is a writer and graphic designer living in Carrboro, North Carolina. He recently went to Norway on a lark, just for fun and the Nobel Peace Prize-I mean, to watch Al Gore get the Nobel Peace Prize. His most recent publications include TAJ MAHAL REVIEW, IOTA, GHOTI, UNPLEASANT EVENT SCHEDULE, DMK REVIEW and OPIUM MAGAZINE. His sketches and stuff can be found at tortillaexmachina.blogspot.com.

SUPERMAN

It's easy to say "things were much better in the '50's" because
so much time has passed and the memory of those distant years,
over time, becomes wrapped in sweet nostalgia as if wrapped
in a soft and gentle decorous georgette saree, but not a saree
that covers your body so much as one that dwells restlesslywithout
a body to cover, and in your mind.

Recently, however, I watched an episode of Superman which
demonstrated in vivid detail precisely how unsettling the '50s really
were. Back then, everybody who went on vacation went to places
like Moose Island, Maine. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Well, if you
think so, try asking Jimmy Olsen how nice it is. First of all, back
then, if you were to have an aunt, she would appear secretive
and sinister. Your cousin, we'll call him Chris, would wear one of
those Joe Palooka beanies and wouldn't look at you and wouldn't
greet you by shaking your hand. He wouldn't have a bit of it. Nope.
And the housekeeper? Beautiful, but also deaf and dumb. Scary,
huh? But that's not all. If you were to take a pleasant vacation stroll
in the woods, you would hear a haunting voice scream "Help me!
I'm drowning!" and the lighthouse that would have been abandoned-
well, its lights would become mysteriously illuminated at night. And
don't forget Matt, who is about as nice as Chris in the Joe Palooka
beanie and would suddenly appear out of nowhere and put a knife
to your throat and tell you to stay away from the lighthouse! And
even if you were to mind your own business and stay in your room,
you would receive mysterious notes from your aunt, slipped
surreptitiously under your door and pleading for help-and the hand-
writing would be different from her handwriting on her recipes for her
delicious blueberry muffins! Try to escape your so-called 'vacation
house' and you will find yourself face down in a cave with the tide
rising in the cave and you will be drowning-drowning, that is, until
Superman comes and bends the cave bars (they used to have them
back in the '50s) and he would do that with his mighty arms which
he would then use to kill Matt, hold Chris up in the air dangling by
the scruff of his shirt collar and then bend one of those bars around
his torso and then give Matt's pistol to your real aunt-the one who
really did write the recipe for her delicious blueberry muffins-so that
she could personally apprehend the pretend aunt and bring her to
justice with a pistol, which would be a good thing since she is really
just a petty smuggler or arms dealer or something in cahoots with
Chris and Matt who are also criminals who probably aren't giving
their real names anyway and because your aunt secretly likes the
idea of holding a loaded gun and pointing it at an arms smuggler,
and when she does, her eyes would dance playfully, like those of
a little girl. I know that this part sounds like fun, but while you
consider the fun part, don't forget the rest of it: Chris' sullenness,
Matt's knife at your throat, the damp and misty New England air,
the "Help me! I'm drowing!" person, the Edsel, the Korean War,
Algier Hiss, the Rosenbergs, The Clutter Family, etc. You can't
be too romantic about the 50's-you can be gentle, but try to be
realistic. It really wasn't that great-even though they had Moose
Island, Maine, and even though, at least for a while, they had
Superman.